The "Not Off to a Good Start" Monday Ramblings

I think I'm going to do this here and there. Ramble, that is. Long topical posts take too much time and thought, which is usually in short supply at the beginning of the semester.

Quick weather update: It's very, very cold in Minnesota. Walking to class has been brutal. The worst part is that it's not going to go away. In St. Louis I could look forward to Spring in early March. It was still snowing on the last week of April last year. By the time shorts were a viable option, I was stuck inside studying for finals. That's pretty much an entire semester of winter. Geez.

But honestly, I love it here.

Remember when beer commercials used to be funny? What happened? I don't know what makes me want to gauge my eyes out more, the Bud Light "drinkability" commercials where the guy draws stuff in the air, or the Miller Lite "football thoughts" or whatever they're called. Honestly, who actually thought those commercials could potentially be funny. It's sad when America has to turn to E-Trade for it's good commercials.

Someone recommended (insisted, really) I listen to Kings of Leon, so I went out and bought an album. I'm not sure whether my life will be the same. I am very impressed so far.

Another quick weather update: It's apparently very, very hot in Melbourne. I just watched Djokovic retire from his quarterfinal match with Roddick because he couldn't handle the heat. That's pathetic. This is the defending champion. This is a professional athlete. This is a man who just quit because it's too hot outside.

Not many things disturb me, but the fact that Paul Blart: Mall Cop has been the #1 movie in America for two weeks in a row has me deeply concerned about society. But then again, this is the populace that came out in droves to see Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

I am excited to be packing the Barn for the Gopher basketball game against Illinois this Thursday. A lot of family pride is on the line...

Regional Jet, the Only Way to Fly

The only one-way flight from St. Louis to Minneapolis is on a regional airline called American Connection, an offshoot of American Airlines. This plane is tiny. The door into the plane has got to be 6 feet high, and that's my most generous estimate. The average adult man is crouching to enter the plane, and for me, well I'm walking down the aisle looking like I'm tying my shoe. You can't have a carry-on larger than a backpack or purse, there simply isn't room. The larger carry-on items are dropped off plane-side, and stored underneath (for no charge, thankfully). There are only two seat to the left of the aisle, one to the right, and only about 18 rows. The seats have no leg room, and are very skinny, so you can't even angle your legs to one side. It is impossible to be comfortable in those seats. Impossible.

Last year I flew to Arizona with my family on one of you typical big airplanes- lots of seats, decent leg room, a drink cart coming by twice, ect.- and I found myself complaining and wishing I was flying on my tiny plane. Despite it's faults, its actually a pretty positive experience. Since it's a small plane, and it's usually never full, getting on and off the plane is practically instantaneous. Also everyone seems to be in a pleasant mood. Maybe because we all feel like clothes folded and jammed into a bursting luggage bag when we get on the plane, and that feeling unites us. Maybe because there are no screaming babies, or large families holding up the line. Even the flight attendant always seems to be happy, and is always cracking jokes. I guess I'd be happy too if I only had to take care of 25 people instead of 150.

So, in a way, what makes the plane miserable makes it enjoyable. I'm never going to be comfortable on a plane, so I might as well be in a good mood. And I don't know how they do it, but every single time I've gotten off the American Connection flight, I've been smiling.

When It Comes to Conversations, Size Matters

Small talk and strangers. Not exactly a milk and cookies combination. In fact, you'll find those two near the top of my list of worst combinations ever, along with "Michael Bay" and "movie", "vodka" and "energy drink", and "lazy fly ball to left" and "Alfonso Soriano".

Let's throw out a hypothetical situation. Say I'm in an elevator and a complete stranger walks in. Most of the time we will give each other a nod of the head, or a verbal greeting, to acknowledge that one another exists, and the rest of elevator ride is held in silence. Is it an awkward silence? Sure a little bit, but not that uncomfortable.

But a number of elevator rides bring about the small talk. "How are you?" You are a complete stranger, do you really care? Also, notice that no matter how shitty you're feeling you will always answer "good" or "not bad". What a worthless question. Another highlight is the sarcastic "Hot/Cold enough for you?" No, I actually wish the wind chill was -50, I'm a little bummed out right now. And of course for me, there is the inevitable:

Stranger: Wow you are tall!
Me: Thanks. (what am I supposed to say?)
Stranger: How tall are you?
Me: 6'7''
Stranger: Wow, that's really tall!
Me: Yep...(No shit Sherlock...)
*awkward silence*
Stranger: I have a nephew who is, uh, 6'5'' I believe. Not quite 6'7'' but...
Me: That's still pretty tall though.
Stranger: Yea...
*increasingly awkward silence*

I know people start small talk to avoid awkward silences, but it always seems to lead to a silence 20 times more awkward than it would be if no conversation had started.

Elevator rides only last a few seconds, so it's not that bad. Thankfully, there are very few times in life where we are alone with strangers for a period long enough to require a conversation. One of these is at the dentist, but you usually have tools in your mouth, so you have an excuse for not talking, and you don't mind the dentist talking, because he is cleaning shit off your teeth and you're grateful. The doctor is one of the rare places where you want small talk, because once the small talk ends, the doctor either starts making inquiries about your health ("How often are you sexually active?") or making you feel guilty about your lifestyle ("I know you want to have fun, but I'd say three more Vodka/Rock Star drinks and you are going to suffer massive heart failure. Please, for your own well-being...).

The place that is the absolute WORST, though, is the hair salon. It is a 15-30 minute symphony of small talk and awkward silences. I never want to ask them questions, because I don't want them getting annoyed or distracted from cutting my hair, but at the same time, they keep asking questions and I feel bad. It's like a dance to create the right balance of chit-chat and silence to keep both parties the least uncomfortable. A dance that usually ends up getting executed so badly it belongs at a 6th grade mixer.

Moral of the rambling: If you run into a stranger on an elevator, either give the basic "Hello" of acknowledgment and nothing else, or just go straight for the jugular, and ask them how they would set up a college football playoff system. Hey, at least it would be different.

Obligatory Post About the New Year

New Years never really did it for me. As a kid, it meant staying up until midnight, and now it's just a good excuse to drink cheap champagne. I've never had that feeling of closure and a new beginning. For me, the year ends in June when school ends, time doesn't really exist for a while, and a new year beings in late August.

In related news, I heard on the radio that the top three New Years resolutions are:
1) Lose Weight
2) Get out of Debt
3) Get Organized

#2 may be a product of the current economy, but I find the other two interesting. Why must we need a certain day to start something we could start everyday. I'm guilty of this to, always telling myself that this semester I'm going to turn it around, and put it all together. And like all New Years resolutions, things starts off great, but after awhile you forget about the resolution and things go back to normal. So why can't we have monthly resolutions, or just decide to change whenever?

I guess those cliches are true; humans are creatures of habit, and old habits die hard.

Title Aspirations

I created this blog in early December. Why has it taken me so long to finally make a post? The title.

There’s a reason the first paragraph of an essay is the last thing I write. It’s the story of my life, really. I suck at entrances, titles, lead-ins, headlines, introductions, abstracts. No matter what is underneath the surface, the exterior gives the impression of mediocrity. This is true in all aspects of my life: writing, science, women, sports. Nothing I am, or have ever done, has “turned heads”, except for maybe my height.

So, what the hell am I going to call this thing? I’m not the type to throw up an artsy photo and create a profound title (kudos to blogs who do this, I envy you). A witty title is more my style. For the life of me, though, I can’t think of anything. I tried thinking of a witty title about me not being witty, or a witty title about me trying to find something witty. Nothing.

Here are some ideas I had bouncing in my head the last couple of weeks:

“Minnesota(n) Ramblings”- Should I use an “n”, or not? What does this title even mean, really? This was my first thought and I ditched it quickly, though it might go well with an artsy picture of me wandering through a flat, empty, frozen plain with a wind chill of -28.

“Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics”- This was my working title until I could figure out something better. Basically I just picked a favorite quote of mine (in this case, a Mark Twain quote), and threw it up there, knowing I could replace the title later.

“Don’t judge a blog by its title”- I will admit it, I was toasting my cleverness after I uncovered this gem. Then I realized that roughly 342 people probably already have that as their blog title.

“Talking Shit About a Pretty Sunset”- I was/am in love with this title, but I couldn’t pull the trigger, partly because some people would not know I stole the title from the brilliant Modest Mouse song, and I wouldn’t want to take the credit. Besides, my feeble attempts at writing would just tarnish a great piece of music, just like how I can never listen to “One Tree Hill” by U2 again without thinking of that shitty teenage soap.

“A Clean, Well Lighted Blog”- This wins the “I told myself I would start this blog by January and I really need a title so let’s rip off my favorite short story” award.

“Headlights on a Northbound Train”-This is it, for now. I got this from a Grateful Dead song, which goes, “I wish I was a headlight on a northbound train. I’d shine my light through cool Colorado rain.” I always really liked those lines. And, the song is a folk song done by the Dead, so it’s not like I’m really stealing, they didn’t write it. This is my excuse for not feeling guilty.I’m not sure if I’ll keep the title, but I feel good enough about it to settle on it permanently.

And you know what would go perfect with this title? An artsy photo of a train shining it’s headlights through a forest wilderness…