Title Aspirations

I created this blog in early December. Why has it taken me so long to finally make a post? The title.

There’s a reason the first paragraph of an essay is the last thing I write. It’s the story of my life, really. I suck at entrances, titles, lead-ins, headlines, introductions, abstracts. No matter what is underneath the surface, the exterior gives the impression of mediocrity. This is true in all aspects of my life: writing, science, women, sports. Nothing I am, or have ever done, has “turned heads”, except for maybe my height.

So, what the hell am I going to call this thing? I’m not the type to throw up an artsy photo and create a profound title (kudos to blogs who do this, I envy you). A witty title is more my style. For the life of me, though, I can’t think of anything. I tried thinking of a witty title about me not being witty, or a witty title about me trying to find something witty. Nothing.

Here are some ideas I had bouncing in my head the last couple of weeks:

“Minnesota(n) Ramblings”- Should I use an “n”, or not? What does this title even mean, really? This was my first thought and I ditched it quickly, though it might go well with an artsy picture of me wandering through a flat, empty, frozen plain with a wind chill of -28.

“Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics”- This was my working title until I could figure out something better. Basically I just picked a favorite quote of mine (in this case, a Mark Twain quote), and threw it up there, knowing I could replace the title later.

“Don’t judge a blog by its title”- I will admit it, I was toasting my cleverness after I uncovered this gem. Then I realized that roughly 342 people probably already have that as their blog title.

“Talking Shit About a Pretty Sunset”- I was/am in love with this title, but I couldn’t pull the trigger, partly because some people would not know I stole the title from the brilliant Modest Mouse song, and I wouldn’t want to take the credit. Besides, my feeble attempts at writing would just tarnish a great piece of music, just like how I can never listen to “One Tree Hill” by U2 again without thinking of that shitty teenage soap.

“A Clean, Well Lighted Blog”- This wins the “I told myself I would start this blog by January and I really need a title so let’s rip off my favorite short story” award.

“Headlights on a Northbound Train”-This is it, for now. I got this from a Grateful Dead song, which goes, “I wish I was a headlight on a northbound train. I’d shine my light through cool Colorado rain.” I always really liked those lines. And, the song is a folk song done by the Dead, so it’s not like I’m really stealing, they didn’t write it. This is my excuse for not feeling guilty.I’m not sure if I’ll keep the title, but I feel good enough about it to settle on it permanently.

And you know what would go perfect with this title? An artsy photo of a train shining it’s headlights through a forest wilderness…